No Worries Mate!

Still in our semi jet-lagged states we got up super early for our outback adventure. We waited outside our hotel and knew when our guide had arrived- down the street walked a Mel-Gisbon-esque true Aussie bloke donned in denim, sunnies and a classic bush-walker hat. With him were a mob of similarly bleary eyed travellers, all of us struggling to keep our heads up in the dazzling morning sun whilst he spoke loudly and animatedly with incredible amounts of enthusiasm. Piling our stuff on to the trailer we hopped into the turbo-sized jeep and attempted to retain our personal space as our knees bumped the people sitting opposite.

And we were off! As we headed from Darwin our long journey went from smooth tarmac to dusty dirt tracks whilst our guide, Greig, helped us all get to know each other. Once sat in the front he did an incredible job of driving whilst rarely looking at the road, his neck permanently craned for excitable introductory chats. There were 9 of us in total prepared to rough it for 3 days in search of a taste of Kakadu National Park. We all introduced ourselves- a couple of Scots, Claire and Denise, staying in Sydney for a year and travelling the country when not working (both fairly quiet after a heavy night had ended mere hours before); Courtney, another chatty and stereotypical Aussie; Marc and Vince, a French couple taking 5 years to travel the world after retiring from work and humorously honest with their intentions to escape the boredom of Darwin whilst waiting for their camper-van to get shipped in from Calcutta; Andreas, a seemingly quiet Italian and Louts, an extremely happy chap from East Germany, grateful for every opportunity that comes his way! The diverse mix of people and obvious personalities made it feel like walking on to the set of Big Brother and we were already forming opinions about who would be the most interesting for the public to follow!

Our first stop was a croc-infested billabong. Greig asked what we were all expecting and Blakey recalled the film Rogue- a croc horror where a tour group get caught out when the engine on their boat stops working and half get mauled by the aquatic killing machines. Nice! So we headed for an identical boat and an identical tour in which our guide, Ted, gave us the run down on the local flora and fauna. The billabong was beautiful, covered in lilies and surrounded by lush tropical plants and so many birds. In no time we spotted our first giant- a freshwater croc, and apparently a huge one. Surprised at its size Ted was visibly excited but assured us that 'Freshies' only eat fish and would only harm a human if provoked. at this point poor Louts stood to take a photograph, as his grasp n English does not stretch to thick Aussie accents and so he ha missed the thorough warning to all stay seated. He got a stern telling off and we were all reminded that this was one of the most croc-rich creeks in the world and a significant number were below the boat right now so keep your hands inside and don't rock the boat! Bloody hell!

As we continued to trundle along we soon came across a menacing saltwater crocodile- much bigger and far more dangerous, these are the guys that eat anything and kill anything to store for later. Bloody bloody hell! We took more photos but i did note a number of people aboard, including Blakey and myself, seemed to shift a little towards the centre of the boat. Just as we were about to head back for the safety of the shore we all noticed the number of times Ted tried and failed to start the engine. Uh oh! He explained that there were weeds around the propeller and asked Blakey to pass him the snorkel at the front, to which Blake's face dropped a little prior to recognising the sarcastic Aussie humour! but when he started poking around with a stick and leaning over the side of the boat a few significant glances were passed around the vessel. Thankfully it started and we made it back safely for me to write this today!

The heat coupled with the humidity were settling upon us making the air thick and heavy. We clambered back into the jeep and headed on another long journey through the outback, surrounded by parched looking swatches of forest, every tree trunk blackened by bush fires. Stopping to collect firewood the sheltered Europeans checked and double checked before disturbing logs and returning to the jeep for yet more driving. Eventually we reached a spot where we where to camp for the night in the heart of this huge National Park as we crept towards the increased heat of midday. Dropping the trailer we prepared a quick lunch and clambered back into the jeep yet again to head for a nearby "waterfall". After a thankfully short journey we found ourselves at a nearby resort with a cool, clean and empty swimming pool. it did not take long for us all to strip off and I swear the water sizzled as we lowered our hot and tired bodies into it.

Feeling refreshed it was time for a further drive, this time to the North Eastern corner of the park to Ubirr. Arriving mid afternoon the sun was less powerful but the drive had unfortunately undone the refreshing affects of the swim. We walked around the beautiful area which was magnificent enough due to the huge sandstone formations but made more significant by the rock art that adorns them. Spanning over 40,000 to 50,000 years the art work is layered on the rocks in the characteristic aboriginal style. We stood and listened to Greig's explanation of the significance of the drawings. Realising it was quite an in depth explanation at the next site a few of us found spots to sit in the shade before encountering the next installment!

The long hot day ended in a long hot climb up boulders to a look out point stationed over a huge plain of grass and trees, water running through and clear views of the sunset. It would have been perfect if it were not for the plethora of flies. Exhausted, we sat and watched the golden light turn the rocks red whilst reluctantly doing the 'Kakadu dance', which involved flapping hands either side of your ears whilst screwing your face up slightly.

On the journey back to camp we all practiced the art of falling asleep in a composed manner, with Denise setting the standard by sitting up right with her eyes gracefully closed behind her shades. I, on the other hand, sprawled across Blakey's lap in a way that he has now become accustomed to after our countless bus journeys. The joys of travelling with a partner!

It was pitch black by the time we reached camp and built our fire. The usual appeal of a campfire was undermined by the sticky, sweaty heat that lay thickly upon us and we all took our seats away from the flames to enjoy a meal of fajitas tenderly prepared by Greig- perfect but for the exclusion of avocado, though I assured him I would have shelled out an extra $3 if the itinerary had listed it in "what's included". Meals scoffed we all took apprehensive walks through the dark wilderness to the bathrooms, creatures moving around us, every stick turning into a snake in the torch light and nearly pooing ourselves when a toad jumped unexpectedly in our path. The wilderness can cause enough apprehension in daylight so even after returning to the comparative safety of our tent it took Blakey a while to drop his guard and fall asleep. I was out like a flash.

The next day we were the last to rise when awoken painfully early to an equally sticky morning. At this time of year there is no respite from the incessant heat. We quickly ate breakfast and struck camp before embarking on another long drive towards the South of the park and the magnificent Jim Jim falls, the second highest waterfall in Australia. We took a short hot walk over increasingly large boulders whilst the sun beat down upon us. In these situations all worry about looking like, as Danni so eloquently describes, "a wanker", are no longer acknowledged. My scarf draped over my head, sarong over my shoulders, I attempted to save myself from the scorching sun as we made the trek.

Stopping halfway the falls were pointed out to us. Across a lagoon surrounded by picturesque plants was a huge sheer cliff. The waterfall cascades from over 200 metres above- during wet season when it is not accessible. As this was the shoulder season (build up to the wet) we were asked to use our imaginations as not so much as a trickle was coming down that cliff! However, the plunge pool was deep and cool enough for us all to refresh after the trek, so ignoring the crocodile warning signs and trusting our guide (despite the added "at your own risk" disclaimer) we splashed ni the waters- not so cool but definitely preferable to the surrounding atmosphere.

By this time the characters in the group were starting to show as Louts, the ever-smiling German, explored the area with a sense of energy and invigoration admirable in a man of his age. He has the same innocence and energy as Rowan Atkinson's character in Rat Race and was just as entertaining for us all. Ever positive, he declared the place "wonderbar" as we enjoyed the scenery.

After lunch we took to the jeep for what turned out to be an epic drive over bumpy dirt tracks and long straight dusty roads to the Southern boundary of the park to pick up some fresh beers for the continental Europeans before heading back up to another waterfall, though this time we were to climb a steep sandstone cliff to reach the pool at the top. Unfortunately two of our group suffered vertigo and so did not make the climb, but though of us that did were rewarded with a beautiful pool being fed by a trickling waterfall to one side and seeping over the cliffs the other- a natural infinity pool so high up we had vistas stretching for miles across the forests and grass plains, with the spectacular backdrop of a deep rusty sunset. Watching from the cool comfort of the pool we escaped both the heat and the flies for what we all considered the best view in Kakadu. By this time Andreas had started to get more outspoken and declared the area Loutsy-Loutsy falls after our positive travelling companion!

Heading back to camp we lit the fire beneath a spectacularly starlit sky. This evening a full barbeque complete with buffalo, croc and kangaroo meat was served. Andreas provided the entertainment with comparisons of Aussie and Italian driving and attempts at an Australian accent with many rings of "No worries mate!" The beers were flowing and the company merry. Unfortunately the heat had got to Blakey and he headed for bed early. the combination of the head ache and continuing tiredness we have both been experiencing led to a few pangs for home- it was reminiscent of our trips to the New Forest but without Danni offering cider to the ponies or Matt taking his role as the Barbeque King.

Another early morning followed, but rather than heading straight for the jeep we were able to walk to the bottom pool of the newly christened Loutsy Loutsy Falls for a cool dip in the once again "croc-danger" signposted pool. Having started ridiculously early we then headed for Gunlom waterfall- a running stream flowing down a rockface into a clear pool. This time it was my turn to feel a little far from home as the clear water highlighted the huge fish in the water, but the depth of the pool and rocky bottom led to areas where it was possible to see what lies beneath. By this time Greig's confidence was leading me to doubt my own and whether I could truly trust this over-enthusiastic guide. Whilst many of the group heade across the black water (included my beloved, much to my over-active imagination's horror!) I sat on a rock and relaxed in the sunshine, the genuine coolness of this flowing pool protecting me from the uncomfortable rays of heat.

Leaving the pool to dress, the plague of flies quickened the time it took to become hot and bothered once more, as did the walk back across the boulders slippery with sand. Thankfully our long drive back to Darwin was preceded by a return to the comfort of the resort swimming pool, allowing a fly-free moment before the three hour jeep session.

Returning to Darwin we were tired and sweaty, grateful for the comfort of air-con, clean sheets and distinct lack of bugs. Longing for a shower and bed we decided to post-pone that pleasure until after one final drink with our travelling companions. Showered and dressed in slightly more glamorous clothes we all met for dinner and beers- much to the Europeans delight! In his usual exciteable manner Blakey soon inspired shots and introduced the ever-delighted Louts and charismatic Marc to the wonders of tequila. It wasn't long before the girls joined in and our promised "one drink, then bed" turned into "one or two or three drinks, then bed" and a stumble back to an extra needed sleep.