Cruz-ing on

Getting on board the Expresso Oriental, otherwise known as the Death Train, wasn´t the best sounding mode of transport to enter our next country, Bolivia. It´s not quite clear why it was named this, but from what we heard it´s from a time when passengers would prefer to sit on the roof to avoid links with the dodgy cargo they were smuggling. Back then the train would often be so full of "goods" that it would derail itself and a handful of the passengers would fly to their graves. Looking around at the amusing safety notices it seems that jumping from carriage to carriage via the windows as opposed to the doors isn´t allowed anymore.

If it wasn´t the train that was going to kill us (particularly as we sat obediently in our chairs, in a carriage) then perhaps it was the swarm of smiling mosquitoes trapped inside with us having a feeding frenzy going from one person to the next. After Laura had clapped with extreme precision over the majority of the buzzing bloodsuckers my next fear was that the Julio Iglesias DVD was going to stay on repeat for the entire journey like some form of horrific Chinese torture. After one hour´s worth of the most painfully cheesey budget music videos full of the middle aged crooner surrounded by swarms of attractive teenage girls bursting with emotion (obviously brought forth by the power of his music) it came to an abrupt end and we were subjected to what at first looked like a thrilling British movie. To our disappointment not only was it tragically dubbed but it was strangely drenched in reverb that gave the impression we were travelling through a never ending underground tunnel.

None of the problems mentioned so far were that bad really and we were actually finding it quite pleasurable to be part of such an experience- in fact we were more bemused than anything. The most irritating part of the journey was the rather obese (to put it politely) lady in front of me who reclined in her apparently broken chair to rest her weight nicely on my knee caps. She then took to swaying her hand behind her head which led to me getting touched up every so often inches away from my manhood! I´ll forgive her though, as she did have a very cute, cool baby boy who kept us entertained for a large part of the trip (which we disguised as keeping him amused!). He kept jumping over the seat and pretending to shoot us with his finger and everytime we fell back in our chairs with a look of pain he would laugh hysterically. He was quite the ladies man too as he bashfully looked up at Laura and blew her kisses.

For the rest of the journey the only other niggles were the jolts the train would make as it chugged over what felt like tracks made of rocks and every time we had to stop at a station a group of women would get on board and pace up and down the isle selling sticks of greasy meat that smelt like dog.

I certainly had one night´s sleep that I wouldn´t forget in a long while but the next morning as we pulled up in Santa Cruz station I was just pleased to have lived to tell the tale. Within a couple of minutes walk we had found a hotel charging a delghtful 3 pounds a person for a room that included ensuite and cable TV (including channels full if some very uncensored hardcore afternoon romping!)

Wandering around the streets the nearby neighbour came across a lot more run down and industrial than expected and at first we struggled to find a place to eat breakfast that looked even vaguely appealing. Most street vendors sold their precooked food along the road in plastic cabinets with the odd fly or two gracing the inside. With nothing else on offer we settled for a cafe with a lovely smiling lady stood behind a small collection of tasty looking cakes and fresh egg buns. Two of those egg buns with some chunky mugs of very satisfying cofee later and it had only cost us one pound for the lot! Bolivia might be the first country since Asia where we manage to save some money- or at least stick to our budget!

With not much else to see for now we returned to our hotel and checked our map to find out why there was a distinct lack of attractions around. It appeared we had booked in to accomodation a good taxi ride from the beauty of Santa Cruz´s central plaza. It really didn´t matter and we planned to head for the centre of town for dinner later in the afternoon but first we went for a rest. Laura indulged in a well over due luxurious wash (and, to tell the truth, shave- there are elements to travelling that neither of us find so glamorous!!) I chose to create an impressive lake of saliva on my pillow for the next few hours instead.

That evening we caught a taxi over to a very sophisticated looking part of Bolivia´s largest city. We were greeted with the sight of a pristine plaza overflowing with lush green trees that were shading the locals as they got their shoes shined. The dinner we ate in a cafe right in front of the beautiful cathedral was superb and the evening quickly crept in as we relaxed after our train wreck of a journey here. We decided to walk back and save the one pound taxi fare, having studied the route to get here. After a good hour of wandering round and getting completely lost we found our room and were asleep within minutes.

With everything so far being as cheap as chips we headed out to find out more about a tour to the Jesuit Missions. We waited for a lengthy half hour sat in an office as hot as a sauna to be quoted 160 each for a days trip to see a church. We weren´t sure when we thought it was in Bolivianos (the equivalent of 16 pounds) but had a very quick answer when we were told it was actually US dollars! Instead we left and headed for a park the Lonely Planet had described as being a nice place to relax and paddle boats around the lagoon. We arrived at what looked like a prison yard, filled with concrete, surrounded by a metal cage and swarming with police. It didn´t look like much fun.

Our last hope was to visit the local zoo- but our experience of "animal welfare" in some other underfunded countries meant we weren´t holding our breath. The chance of breathing in any oxygen at all would have been greatly appreciated as we took a micro to the zoo with a driver saving up for something special with the 10p he made from each passenger that boarded the little mini van- the amount of us squeezed in there may have been a world record attempt.

For one pound each we could enter what from outside looked like a little brickhouse that might have some parrots and a couple of snakes if we were lucky. Once we stepped through the gates though it was like entering a tardis- this was going to take us all day to get around. To our delight the zoo had been set up to showcase local South American wildlife and to educate about their welfare and endangered status. The animals looked in great condition wih a decent amount of space to jump, swing or slither around. One of our favourite parts was a truly massive cage that had so much vegetation inside that it disguised the fact we were actually in a zoo. Even better was the mixed collection of wildlife that were allowed to wander freely in our path, leading to some fantastic close encounters. Our first meeting was a fast paced tortoise who kept chasing us and snapping with his mouth when we got to close with our camera. We spotted all types of animals living amongst the greenery from colourful parrots, weird nosed ducks and twig legged flamingoes- though our greatest surprise came when we noticed the amount of wildlife outside the cage. Animals from the wild had chosen to come and live here too, so whilst we stood inside the cage a family of monkeys were swinging from the branches of a nearby tree outside and on to the the high roof of the cage, annoying the parrots. As if that wasn´t enough excitement our first sighting of a sloth crawling eerily above us had is in spasms of joy!

We tore ourselves away from this wonderous tropical area and the moment we stepped outside to walk to the next sight we came face to face with a sloth who was being taken away from a group of rheas it was bothering. Laura asked to take a photo and instead ended up holding this insanely weird creature that wouldn´t look out of place as a Star Wars extra. I too then had my hands under its hairy armpits whilst the sloth swayed its sharp claws around at a snail´s pace. It was a real highlight holding something that I only realised exsisted a few days ago (despite the number of times I have seen Ice Age!)

We spent hours continuing around one of the best zoos we have ever been too getting hyper over seeing anteaters, jaguars and all sorts of animals we hadn´t got to spot during our time in the Pantanal. Eventually we left and after another thoroughly enjoyable dinner bed called. It had been a great day in the end.

We were starting to feel that our adventures in Rio and on safari were catching up with us the next day and Laura had a bit of a cold, so we decided to have a day of doing nothing much other than calling home to wish Bryony a Happy Birthday, catch up on blogs and watch some crappy TV (cable offer English language channels!!)

After a well deserved rest we attempted to get on a bus to Samaipata. It took around two hours of being pointed in different directions to finally find our transport but soon we were on our way. We had the pleasure of sitting next to a gorgeous looking girl with sweety stained teeth and a "I love flowers" Tshirt. This young princess wanted attention and started a nice game of slapping our thighs and kicking our ankles which she found very funny indeed. As the journey progressed she moved from scratching, to pinching and finally to to biting whilst her mum paid not the slightest bit of attention. The naughty girl finally behaved herself after a teenage kid pointed towards his belt and whispered something threatening. Towards the end of the journey we realised that the lady sat near us wasn´t the girl´s mum- she was actually travelling with her grandmother who was sat at the front of the bus making her behaviour far more understandable though no more desirable. I was very grateful to escape her when we finally arrived in Samaipata.